Homeschooling Anyway

“We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled, but as candles to be lit.” Robert H. Shaffer

For me, the next few months are going to be a time of great introspection. Why? Because the month of March will be bringing with it two big milestones: my oldest son’s 18th birthday and my 40th.

How I’ll feel about my 40th birthday is another subject (and blog post) entirely, but what’s really been feeling like a cold wake-up call is the looming event of my child entering adulthood.

It’s raised many questions for me, with these among them:

Have I done enough to show Christ to my children? (Sadly, I don’t think I have.)

Will I still be able to influence his life for the better once he’s past childhood?

As the quote says above, did I see him as an empty bottle to be filled or as a candle to be lit? How does he think I saw him?

If asked about his childhood in the coming years, will his replies be positive or negative? Will he rise up and call me blessed, or hesitate?

These are all honest questions. As a fallible human being who’s made plenty of mistakes, I can’t help but ask them. But while I know I’ve messed up (often), and haven’t quite been the godly or even positive example I had hoped to be, I’m going to focus on the fact that I still have time with him, along with these things:

He’s a believer in Jesus, and has a true servant’s heart.

Though we as a family have had our share of trials, there’s been a lot of quality time spent together over these past almost-18 years.

I know that none of my kids will ever doubt that I love them.

He loves his mama. I know this because of the many impromptu hugs he gives me. I’m guessing that’s a good sign.

We’ve had many goofy, laugh-out-loud moments. I treasure those.

If you’re like me, facing the end of your child’s “minor” years, join me in focusing on the positive and good things, not the mistakes you’ve made — perceived or otherwise.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8

How true that is!

©2010 Sally Dinius
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One of my favorite authors and Bible teachers is a woman named Elisabeth Elliot. I see her as one of my “spiritual mothers” (women at whose feet I have figuratively sat while learning from them…Kay Arthur and Beth Moore are two others) and used to listen to her cover many different topics on her old “Gateway to Joy” program. Housework was one of those topics. I was listening one day when something she said made me laugh out loud. She said she loves housework! Loves it. I couldn’t comprehend how anyone could love housework, yet she does, and I admired her for saying so. I’m not this way now, but my husband once told me there was one sure-fire way by which he could tell I was mad at him: I would start cleaning the house with a vengeance! Usually it was the dishes – I could really make a lot of noise with those.

After hearing Elisabeth’s remark, I prayed. I said, “Lord, you know I’m not good at keeping up my house. I don’t want to do it, I don’t like to do it. Please help me to (gulp) love housework.”

Now, I’m not going to tell you that a light shone from heaven and changed me in an instant (though that would have been nice), but my attitude toward housework is improving. The fact that it was a slight change in my attitude and not a miraculous personality makeover showed me something: God is not going to move my hands and feet for me. If any work is going to be done, it has to be done willingly by me, with the exception of the work my husband and children pitch in on.

This leads me to…

Step Three: Get Off Your Duff and Do It

I can talk all I want about how I know I should make the bed in the morning, toss my clothes in the hamper, sweep the kitchen and file papers, but mere talk doesn’t get it done. Thinking about completing my chores isn’t the same as doing them. I used to sit on my sofa, thinking about all I had to do, and be so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even start! I also didn’t know where to start.

That’s yet another instance in which I was helped by something Elisabeth Elliot said, and that’s her life motto: “Do the next thing.” If the towels, clean but crumpled in a pile next to me on the couch, needed to be put away, I would do that. If the breakfast dishes still needed to be cleared, I knew that was the next thing to do after the towels. When it comes to your housework, it usually won’t matter where you start, as long as you do.

If you really don’t know where to start and can’t choose a jumping off point, try praying about it. Sometimes the answer will literally be right before your eyes.

Step Four: Set Goals for Your Housework

This one is optional, as not everyone needs to set goals when it comes to keeping a home in order. I do, however, recommend it. You might find it’s just the push you need. To start, brainstorm about what you want the final outcome of your cleaning and organizing to be. Do you want a perfect filing system? Do you want your child’s room to be organized and ahh-dorable? Picture the end results in your mind as you work on it each day. The point is to decide on the outcome and aim for it.

My kitchen, for instance, has been the bain of my housekeeping existence. It’s been a battle trying to keep the counters free of papers, books, keys – and anything else that just happens to be set there – and the sink emptied of dishes and the floor clean. One day, inspiration struck. I found a picture of my dream kitchen, cut it out, and stuck it to the fridge with a magnet. This helped me to want to keep the kitchen tidied and to encourage my family to do the same.

Perhaps you’re wondering, “What does having an orderly home have to do with it being peaceful?” Maybe you consider your home “happily cluttered” and it doesn’t bother you. That’s fine; it’s your home. But what if the clutter grows? Learning good habits now can spare you a lot of frustration later, when the happy mess might become a monster.

I heard a story years ago about a household that was so out of order that stuff was just everywhere. There was no rhyme or reason to the clutter, and nothing really had a “home.” One day the family had unexpected company, and in the few minutes they had before their guest reached the door, each family member grabbed an armful of things and stuffed them wherever they could. The mom jammed her armful into the closest empty spot she could find – the oven.

They had a great time with their visitor, who was really had no clue to the chaotic whirlwind he’d just caused. Soon, he left, and the mom went in to the kitchen to make dinner…starting with preheating the oven. The house filled with smoke so quickly that they had to call the fire department to determine the cause. Needless to say, that family learned an expensive and embarrassing lesson about clutter that day.

Some of my favorite ideas for bringing our homes into order are really the simplest. The first is a suggestion that will help us to mentally get a hold of our day, and that is to get dressed. Elisabeth Elliot once received a letter from a mother of young children. The mother felt her mornings were just out of control, and said that she didn’t even have time to get dressed. Elisabeth responded by telling her to make getting dressed the first thing she did, and then she would surely find that the rest of the morning would fall into place much more easily.

Marla Cilley – the “Fly Lady” – also lists getting dressed as one of the most important ways to start your morning. In fact, she takes it a step further and says to “get dressed to shoes.” This has become a new habit of mine, and it really does make a difference in my energy level.

My second suggestion deals again with clutter, and that is to make an effort to find a place for it. Sandra Felton, founder of Messies Anonymous, has said that a good way to declutter our homes is to take three boxes (garbage bags work, too) and label them THROW AWAY, GIVE AWAY, and PUT AWAY. Start at the doorway to each room, and work around the room in a circle until every drawer, corner, and crevice has been returned to order (this could take a day or even weeks, depending on the condition of the room. The point is to not give up!).

When throwing or giving items away, don’t be way-layed by the whiny voice in your head that tells you, “But I might need this” or “I could use this.” If you haven’t used it in a long time and don’t know when you will again – or worse, you don’t know where it came from or what it’s for – get rid of it.

A third suggestion that has been ingrained into me is to never leave a room empty-handed. Don’t say, “I’ll get it later,” because you probably won’t. Not only that, but by the time “later” comes around, the mess will have multiplied. Teach this to your children, as well. I have actually seen Hot Wheels cars give birth, and it’s not pretty.

If you’re like me and have had days when you didn’t have the self-discipline to get off the couch (or out of the computer chair), my next suggestion is to begin practicing self-control. If you aren’t accustomed to telling yourself no, start small. For example, if you’re out shopping for a gift for a friend, and want to buy a trinket for yourself, tell yourself a resounding, “No!” and walk away from it (yes, you’ll get looks, but it’s worth it). Or perhaps there is someone you know who would appreciate a phone call, but you’re having a bad day yourself. Make yourself pick up the phone and dial.

How is any of this related to keeping your home in order? Simple. Gradually you will feel your motivation muscle growing stronger, and you’ll find that making yourself take care of your home will become much easier.

I hope these steps and suggestions have encouraged you to begin making your home a more peaceful place to be.

©2010 Sally Dinius
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Here in Washington State, a favorite peak of local climbers is our beautiful Mount Rainier. It’s gorgeous as it rises above other hills to glisten in the sun. Many people love to ski, board, or hike on its lower slopes, but braver souls dare to conquer the top by climbing. No wise climber, though, would attempt such a feat alone. Reaching for that pinnacle with a partner or group has saved the life of many an adventurer.

In the same way, homeschoolers need to group together to offer moral support and encouragement. Often, it’s the only way we make it to the top. It’s true: there is strength in numbers.

Whether you’re a veteran homeschooler, one who’s just starting out, or somewhere in between, it’s a good bet you’ve hit a bump in the road at least once or twice. And it could be that bump was more like a mountain staring you down.

What mountain are you facing today?

Is it a lack of motivation? We all encounter that at some point in the school year. For me, it tends to hit around fall, winter, spring, summer…you get it. I’ve learned that sometimes we need to look around, find what motivates us, then reach out and grab it.

It doesn’t always seek us out, does it?

And there are times when our lack of motivation is more than just a case of boredom and being tired of the same old, same old. I’ll examine the symptoms of depression–which is ever so much more than just a case of the blahs– in a few upcoming posts. I know all about it…I’ve been there.

Marital and financial stress can also take a toll on our home education endeavors, let alone our precious family relationships. Regarding homeschooling, do both parents agree that this is even the right path for your family? Do you argue about the materials being used (or what’s being spent on the materials)? Perhaps you’re a single parent, trying to be mom and dad, and hold down a job, all while purposing in your heart to not give up this educational choice you so strongly believe in.

We all know what else causes stress, though perhaps at a different level: the condition of our homes. It’s downright hard to teach your children in a messy house. I know, I know – the myriad of books and projects can make the homeschooling household look like every single room has been ransacked by a crazy mob, but there is a way to get organized and find peace…really.

And what if your child decides he no longer wants to be homeschooled? What if you decide you don’t want to teach anymore? Don’t give up yet! There are many options available if you want to keep your kids at home.

Any of the bumps I’ve mentioned can look like mountains when you’re up against them. And they sure can be mountains. But if you’ve run up against your own Mount Rainier, you’ve discovered what a mountain really is. Personal tragedy, such as the loss of a loved one, can be devastating…your own personal nightmare. Perhaps an illness like cancer has struck a family member, or you. And what about divorce? How do you go on?

These are some of the topics I’ll be covering here. I hope you’ll find that spark of encouragement — that reason to keep walking — that you’re looking for.

Homeschooling Anyway, once just a regular old, ho-hum website, is now a blog — a place where you can come to get support and encouragement, motivation and ideas, and–hopefully–a perspective you may not be getting anywhere else.

I hope that you’ll leave a comment so I can get to know you. This is something that was sorely lacking before Homeschooling Anyway became a blog–I didn’t know my readers!

Welcome, my friends…and stay tuned.

©2010 Sally Dinius
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