Homeschooling Anyway

I love most birds. In fact, if I was given a list of all the birds in the world, there would be just a few I would have to scratch off — crows, starlings, and vultures — while leaving the rest. Unattractive and obnoxious as they are, I suppose the scavenging crows and vultures are needed, but I’ve yet to determine the usefulness of starlings.

But I will give starlings this: They’re very smart. A well-known story that tells how Mozart, during a visit to a pet store one day, was whistling a tune from one of his concertos. When he returned on a later date he heard a starling in a cage whistling his composition! He was so impressed that he decided to buy the bird and take it home.

My experience with starlings has not been so favorable, but that’s another story.

Speaking of birds (how’s that for a clumsy segue’?), I wanted to let you know about a fun live-streaming video you can watch with your kids. If you’ve got them doing a unit study or a report on owls, this will fit in perfectly.

Carlos Royal is a home owner who decided to install a camera in his owl box. A barn owl named Molly flew in, laid her eggs, and now the little family is growing. The video is streamed live on UStream, and you can watch it here.

Read the story of Carlos’ owl box here.

There was already a bit of drama this morning when some crows tried to get to the owlets, but the babies are fine. Check out the video stream when you get a chance, but be warned — watching it can be addicting.

“We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled, but as candles to be lit.” Robert H. Shaffer

For me, the next few months are going to be a time of great introspection. Why? Because the month of March will be bringing with it two big milestones: my oldest son’s 18th birthday and my 40th.

How I’ll feel about my 40th birthday is another subject (and blog post) entirely, but what’s really been feeling like a cold wake-up call is the looming event of my child entering adulthood.

It’s raised many questions for me, with these among them:

Have I done enough to show Christ to my children? (Sadly, I don’t think I have.)

Will I still be able to influence his life for the better once he’s past childhood?

As the quote says above, did I see him as an empty bottle to be filled or as a candle to be lit? How does he think I saw him?

If asked about his childhood in the coming years, will his replies be positive or negative? Will he rise up and call me blessed, or hesitate?

These are all honest questions. As a fallible human being who’s made plenty of mistakes, I can’t help but ask them. But while I know I’ve messed up (often), and haven’t quite been the godly or even positive example I had hoped to be, I’m going to focus on the fact that I still have time with him, along with these things:

He’s a believer in Jesus, and has a true servant’s heart.

Though we as a family have had our share of trials, there’s been a lot of quality time spent together over these past almost-18 years.

I know that none of my kids will ever doubt that I love them.

He loves his mama. I know this because of the many impromptu hugs he gives me. I’m guessing that’s a good sign.

We’ve had many goofy, laugh-out-loud moments. I treasure those.

If you’re like me, facing the end of your child’s “minor” years, join me in focusing on the positive and good things, not the mistakes you’ve made — perceived or otherwise.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8

How true that is!

©2010 Sally Dinius
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One of my favorite authors and Bible teachers is a woman named Elisabeth Elliot. I see her as one of my “spiritual mothers” (women at whose feet I have figuratively sat while learning from them…Kay Arthur and Beth Moore are two others) and used to listen to her cover many different topics on her old “Gateway to Joy” program. Housework was one of those topics. I was listening one day when something she said made me laugh out loud. She said she loves housework! Loves it. I couldn’t comprehend how anyone could love housework, yet she does, and I admired her for saying so. I’m not this way now, but my husband once told me there was one sure-fire way by which he could tell I was mad at him: I would start cleaning the house with a vengeance! Usually it was the dishes – I could really make a lot of noise with those.

After hearing Elisabeth’s remark, I prayed. I said, “Lord, you know I’m not good at keeping up my house. I don’t want to do it, I don’t like to do it. Please help me to (gulp) love housework.”

Now, I’m not going to tell you that a light shone from heaven and changed me in an instant (though that would have been nice), but my attitude toward housework is improving. The fact that it was a slight change in my attitude and not a miraculous personality makeover showed me something: God is not going to move my hands and feet for me. If any work is going to be done, it has to be done willingly by me, with the exception of the work my husband and children pitch in on.

This leads me to…

Step Three: Get Off Your Duff and Do It

I can talk all I want about how I know I should make the bed in the morning, toss my clothes in the hamper, sweep the kitchen and file papers, but mere talk doesn’t get it done. Thinking about completing my chores isn’t the same as doing them. I used to sit on my sofa, thinking about all I had to do, and be so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even start! I also didn’t know where to start.

That’s yet another instance in which I was helped by something Elisabeth Elliot said, and that’s her life motto: “Do the next thing.” If the towels, clean but crumpled in a pile next to me on the couch, needed to be put away, I would do that. If the breakfast dishes still needed to be cleared, I knew that was the next thing to do after the towels. When it comes to your housework, it usually won’t matter where you start, as long as you do.

If you really don’t know where to start and can’t choose a jumping off point, try praying about it. Sometimes the answer will literally be right before your eyes.

Step Four: Set Goals for Your Housework

This one is optional, as not everyone needs to set goals when it comes to keeping a home in order. I do, however, recommend it. You might find it’s just the push you need. To start, brainstorm about what you want the final outcome of your cleaning and organizing to be. Do you want a perfect filing system? Do you want your child’s room to be organized and ahh-dorable? Picture the end results in your mind as you work on it each day. The point is to decide on the outcome and aim for it.

My kitchen, for instance, has been the bain of my housekeeping existence. It’s been a battle trying to keep the counters free of papers, books, keys – and anything else that just happens to be set there – and the sink emptied of dishes and the floor clean. One day, inspiration struck. I found a picture of my dream kitchen, cut it out, and stuck it to the fridge with a magnet. This helped me to want to keep the kitchen tidied and to encourage my family to do the same.

Perhaps you’re wondering, “What does having an orderly home have to do with it being peaceful?” Maybe you consider your home “happily cluttered” and it doesn’t bother you. That’s fine; it’s your home. But what if the clutter grows? Learning good habits now can spare you a lot of frustration later, when the happy mess might become a monster.

I heard a story years ago about a household that was so out of order that stuff was just everywhere. There was no rhyme or reason to the clutter, and nothing really had a “home.” One day the family had unexpected company, and in the few minutes they had before their guest reached the door, each family member grabbed an armful of things and stuffed them wherever they could. The mom jammed her armful into the closest empty spot she could find – the oven.

They had a great time with their visitor, who was really had no clue to the chaotic whirlwind he’d just caused. Soon, he left, and the mom went in to the kitchen to make dinner…starting with preheating the oven. The house filled with smoke so quickly that they had to call the fire department to determine the cause. Needless to say, that family learned an expensive and embarrassing lesson about clutter that day.

Some of my favorite ideas for bringing our homes into order are really the simplest. The first is a suggestion that will help us to mentally get a hold of our day, and that is to get dressed. Elisabeth Elliot once received a letter from a mother of young children. The mother felt her mornings were just out of control, and said that she didn’t even have time to get dressed. Elisabeth responded by telling her to make getting dressed the first thing she did, and then she would surely find that the rest of the morning would fall into place much more easily.

Marla Cilley – the “Fly Lady” – also lists getting dressed as one of the most important ways to start your morning. In fact, she takes it a step further and says to “get dressed to shoes.” This has become a new habit of mine, and it really does make a difference in my energy level.

My second suggestion deals again with clutter, and that is to make an effort to find a place for it. Sandra Felton, founder of Messies Anonymous, has said that a good way to declutter our homes is to take three boxes (garbage bags work, too) and label them THROW AWAY, GIVE AWAY, and PUT AWAY. Start at the doorway to each room, and work around the room in a circle until every drawer, corner, and crevice has been returned to order (this could take a day or even weeks, depending on the condition of the room. The point is to not give up!).

When throwing or giving items away, don’t be way-layed by the whiny voice in your head that tells you, “But I might need this” or “I could use this.” If you haven’t used it in a long time and don’t know when you will again – or worse, you don’t know where it came from or what it’s for – get rid of it.

A third suggestion that has been ingrained into me is to never leave a room empty-handed. Don’t say, “I’ll get it later,” because you probably won’t. Not only that, but by the time “later” comes around, the mess will have multiplied. Teach this to your children, as well. I have actually seen Hot Wheels cars give birth, and it’s not pretty.

If you’re like me and have had days when you didn’t have the self-discipline to get off the couch (or out of the computer chair), my next suggestion is to begin practicing self-control. If you aren’t accustomed to telling yourself no, start small. For example, if you’re out shopping for a gift for a friend, and want to buy a trinket for yourself, tell yourself a resounding, “No!” and walk away from it (yes, you’ll get looks, but it’s worth it). Or perhaps there is someone you know who would appreciate a phone call, but you’re having a bad day yourself. Make yourself pick up the phone and dial.

How is any of this related to keeping your home in order? Simple. Gradually you will feel your motivation muscle growing stronger, and you’ll find that making yourself take care of your home will become much easier.

I hope these steps and suggestions have encouraged you to begin making your home a more peaceful place to be.

©2010 Sally Dinius
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“Do the next thing.”
~ Elisabeth Elliot

Over the years, one thing that has been of great curiosity to me is that while my friends and I have many things in common, the condition of our homes is usually not one of them. Some homes I’ve been in have been cluttered; some were spotless. Some clean, some dirty. In some homes I felt comfortable, while others I couldn’t wait to get out of. But whatever the condition of the home, it reflected the personality of the owner and I respected that. (And I’ll admit that there have been plenty of days when my house was the one I couldn’t wait to get out of!)

In this article, I want to talk about being at peace with your home. This is a difficult thing for many at-home moms. And if you have your children home with you during the day – whether it’s because they’re too young to go to school, you homeschool them, or they’re home because school is on a break – keeping your home orderly can seem impossible. While my kids have always had chores, the house has never gotten really clean unless they were out of the house and I could really attack it.

Many times over the years, our house has gone through days — and even weeks — of being constantly cluttered and desperately in need of a good “pick-up.” I was just too discouraged by the mess to do anything about it. I hated nagging, so sometimes things just didn’t get done. (I used to joke that the only reason we had parties was to make sure the house got clean beforehand.)

I’d like to share with you some ways to be at peace your home. You’ll see two of the steps today, and I hope you’ll come back tomorrow for the other two. And please, as you’re reading this, remember that I am still in the trenches, too. The only people who’ve really “arrived” in this area are the highly motivated…and those with housekeepers.

Step One: Remember that Keeping an Orderly Home Requires Repetition

I don’t like that. I’m naturally lazy, so I quickly tire of having to pick up, pick up, pick up…day in and day out. But, having been a mom for over 17 years now, I know that I can’t thoroughly clean my house one day and expect it to stay that way. When my kids were small, the constant mess would drive me crazy. I’ve learned, though, that teenagers can make messes just as easily as their younger counterparts. But since we also have a preschooler, I can compare the two ages quite easily. Small children still win in that department…our three year-old is a one-woman wrecking crew.

So picking up is constant, and it drives me nuts to have to pick up things that I know I just put away earlier in the day. But it’s not just the picking up that’s daily. Newspapers that come into the house must be recycled or they’ll grow by leaps and bounds into an ugly stack. Laundry has to be repeatedly washed, folded, and put away where it belongs. I’ve lost track of all the times my family has had to push aside Mt. Fold-Me just so they could sit on the couch. (You see? You can move mountains!)

The endless amount of paper that falls out of our mailboxes must be filed, paid, or recycled before our countertops or desks are consumed by it, never to be seen again. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, these are all necessary parts of the daily routine.

I believe the key to keeping up the repetitive tasks is to “multi-task.” Watch something interesting on TV or listen to a teaching CD while folding laundry or doing the dishes. (I like to listen podcasts while working.) If you’re trying to get your kids to work, make it fun. Set a timer and see if you can all beat yesterday’s time.

Step Two: Practice Self-Discipline

I am not, by nature, an orderly person. One of my earliest memories is of my mother coming in to my room when I was five, where I was playing very nicely, thank you. She told me in no uncertain terms to CLEAN MY ROOM, then walked out and shut the door. As any self-respecting, easily-distracted five year-old would do, I continued to play.

Minutes later, she returned and was none too happy to find my room in the same happy mess. I was told I would be in big trouble if my room wasn’t spic-and-span the next time she came in. I got the message; I didn’t want to get in trouble.

Again my mother returned, but this time, as she surveyed my now-orderly room, a look of pure delight played across her face. It was short lived, having been quickly replaced by a “Hey – wait a minute” expression. She crossed the room in three quick steps, knelt by my bed, lifted the bedspread, and found that I’d stuffed everything in my room under the bed (except for my dresser, which wouldn’t fit).

To her chagrin, this was just the beginning of my disorderly ways. Well into my teen years and beyond, I had a messy room, then a messy apartment, then a messy house. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t know where to put things or how to take care of my belongings, it was because, to me, picking up after myself wasn’t interesting enough. There was always something else I would rather be doing.

It literally took years for me to realize that the battle wasn’t between me and my stuff, it was between me and myself. With that knowledge came the discovery of a new weapon: self-discipline.

I looked up self-discipline in the dictionary and found this definition: “The discipline or training of oneself, often for improvement.” Depending on the version you read, you may or may not find “self-discipline” in the Bible *(CBD link)*, with the exception of 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV). Most likely, you will find “self-control.” The definition for self-control is this: “The act, power, or habit of having one’s faculties or energies under control of the will.” The definitions are slightly different, but the meaning is similar: there are times when we must make ourselves do that which we don’t want to.

What 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) says is this: “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.” That self-discipline is so readily available to each of us, and all we need to do is practice it.

Here’s a quote from H. L. Sidney-Lear: “The slack, indolent temperament disposed to self-indulgence and delay will find a very practical and helpful discipline in strict punctuality, a fixed habit of rising to the minute when once a time is settled on, in being always ready for meals or the various daily matters in which our unpunctuality makes others uncomfortable. Persons have found their whole spiritual life helped and strengthened by steadfastly conquering a habit of dawdling or of reading newspapers or desultory bits of books when they ought to be settling about some duty.”

We could paraphrase Sidney-Lear’s quote by saying, “Homeschooling moms have found their whole spiritual life helped and strengthened by steadfastly conquering a habit of reading email, surfing the web, and chatting on Facebook when they ought to be teaching, taking care of their kids, and running their homes.” That was all tongue-in-cheek, of course, but you get my drift. Saying it this way hits the bulls eye for me.

©2010 Sally Dinius
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Here in Washington State, a favorite peak of local climbers is our beautiful Mount Rainier. It’s gorgeous as it rises above other hills to glisten in the sun. Many people love to ski, board, or hike on its lower slopes, but braver souls dare to conquer the top by climbing. No wise climber, though, would attempt such a feat alone. Reaching for that pinnacle with a partner or group has saved the life of many an adventurer.

In the same way, homeschoolers need to group together to offer moral support and encouragement. Often, it’s the only way we make it to the top. It’s true: there is strength in numbers.

Whether you’re a veteran homeschooler, one who’s just starting out, or somewhere in between, it’s a good bet you’ve hit a bump in the road at least once or twice. And it could be that bump was more like a mountain staring you down.

What mountain are you facing today?

Is it a lack of motivation? We all encounter that at some point in the school year. For me, it tends to hit around fall, winter, spring, summer…you get it. I’ve learned that sometimes we need to look around, find what motivates us, then reach out and grab it.

It doesn’t always seek us out, does it?

And there are times when our lack of motivation is more than just a case of boredom and being tired of the same old, same old. I’ll examine the symptoms of depression–which is ever so much more than just a case of the blahs– in a few upcoming posts. I know all about it…I’ve been there.

Marital and financial stress can also take a toll on our home education endeavors, let alone our precious family relationships. Regarding homeschooling, do both parents agree that this is even the right path for your family? Do you argue about the materials being used (or what’s being spent on the materials)? Perhaps you’re a single parent, trying to be mom and dad, and hold down a job, all while purposing in your heart to not give up this educational choice you so strongly believe in.

We all know what else causes stress, though perhaps at a different level: the condition of our homes. It’s downright hard to teach your children in a messy house. I know, I know – the myriad of books and projects can make the homeschooling household look like every single room has been ransacked by a crazy mob, but there is a way to get organized and find peace…really.

And what if your child decides he no longer wants to be homeschooled? What if you decide you don’t want to teach anymore? Don’t give up yet! There are many options available if you want to keep your kids at home.

Any of the bumps I’ve mentioned can look like mountains when you’re up against them. And they sure can be mountains. But if you’ve run up against your own Mount Rainier, you’ve discovered what a mountain really is. Personal tragedy, such as the loss of a loved one, can be devastating…your own personal nightmare. Perhaps an illness like cancer has struck a family member, or you. And what about divorce? How do you go on?

These are some of the topics I’ll be covering here. I hope you’ll find that spark of encouragement — that reason to keep walking — that you’re looking for.

Homeschooling Anyway, once just a regular old, ho-hum website, is now a blog — a place where you can come to get support and encouragement, motivation and ideas, and–hopefully–a perspective you may not be getting anywhere else.

I hope that you’ll leave a comment so I can get to know you. This is something that was sorely lacking before Homeschooling Anyway became a blog–I didn’t know my readers!

Welcome, my friends…and stay tuned.

©2010 Sally Dinius
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